Forgiveness is the most selfish choice I’ve ever made.

When I embarked upon my quest to forgive the past. I mean to really forgive those who hurt me. I’d no idea just how selfish forgiveness is. In forgiving I was set free. My selfish self knew this and wanted freedom from my past. The road was hard for sure but the harder I pushed and the closer to forgiveness, true forgiveness I got. The freer I’d become.

See I’ve learned forgiveness is not about the other person. It’s about freeing yourself from pain, anger, and darkness. The more I forgave, the more I gained. The burdens were lifted and I selfishly pushed harder. Perhaps because I wanted to forgive, or perhaps because I wanted to be free. Maybe a little of both.

Forgiveness, true, meaningful, lasting forgiveness is selfish. You do it for you, because you are the one set free.

Today I stand triumpantly selfish and free.

Can I say I forgive faceman? Honestly? I’m trying, but I haven’t fully yet. I hope he found a measure of peace in his final hours. That is honesty. But true and lasting forgiveness? When I can trace the lines upon my flesh and not cry… perhaps I’ll have arrived at total forgiveness for him. For now I’ll selfishly push on to that final end.