Ok an update long over due.
First, sorry for the silence. I’m sure it was deafening. I’ve had a lot on my plate and shy of a select few I’ve been very, very quiet. So let’s get into what’s been on my mind lately. Now for the reason why, or at least what I can and will share for now.
As many of you know Sarah and I are trying to foster a little girl who is deaf. We had some issues with the case worker who seemed prejudice against a good home for her because I am also deaf. I mean there is no signing learning curve for anyone in the house. There is no real impediment to this girl because of her deafness, at least not with us.
We went to court and got her (the old guardian) removed as the case worker on the grounds of prejudice. A new one was assigned and though it meant more paperwork we gladly did it again. With hope and prayers that we’d get this precious angel we pressed forward.
The new case worker has seen the wisdom in these choices and we have been getting this girl for visits now. She spent the day and night with us Sunday into Monday and if things go well in court Thursday we will be awarded full guardianship. As foster parents to her. It certainly seems to be what she wants as well.
As you may know we can’t discuss the details of this little girl or her past openly. Needless to say if you are taken by the state from your parents, things were pretty bad at home. These bad things leave scars a plenty. It’s a pain I can’t imagine, but one I hope to ease with a loving and caring home.
There will still be a case worker and this little girl will face many, many hurdles. But we will face them together as a family. If things go real well we will become an official/legal family in a year. After we adopt her.
This is something my wife and I have wanted for sometime now. The news so far has been joyous and incredible on this front. I’ll be posting more in the coming days on this topic. There will be challenges for everyone involved but we welcome them with open hearts.
This has kept us busy these past days..
Cutting and self harm: I am still cut free even under this latest pressure. I’ve been using my coping mechanisms and safety nets when needed. But even around knifes there is no pull. I still sit and cry sometimes because I hurt but I refuse to add more lessons to my body.
Volunteering: I had a great weekend on Friday and Saturday helping paint at the woman’s shelter. I did get paint splattered. But I had fun and was a huge help. So I’m back to giving time and energy to charities I like to support as well. This brought me very great joy and a huge smile. I felt useful again.
Work: Well I am working more and most of that is remote from home in the early hours, but it’s now pretty much full time.
Fun: I’ve been surfing a lot more too. Speaking of which I have some surfing opportunities ahead of me but I can’t discuss them here at this time other than to say the following.
I can’t discuss the three sponsors I am talking to at this time. If I sign I will be paid to surf. A dream come true! If I do this it means coming out of my comfort zone and the world will know my name.
My real name. I’ve done a splendid job keeping my real self other than pictures and the moniker Michelle Styles off the internet. Even knowing my real name is very hard to find anything about me. I like my privacy and for obvious reasons if you know my past. But if I follow the dream before me that will dissolve. Privacy will become a luxury I will no longer enjoy.
There will be commercials, TV spots, appearing in surfing competitions that will be televised, personal appearances, and god himself may not know what else. But it will mean I can no longer hide so easily.
That is why I asked why following what you want to do is so hard. It’s not a faith thing, it’s a privacy thing. It’s giving up something I’ve held and cherished so much.
For me this privacy has been so very important to me. I don’t get close to people easily. I don’t publicize my name, only my moniker. I keep my name off the internet. I’ve gone to the trouble of having my information sealed. I am “the ghost dancer” in more ways than one.
More on this in the not too distant future. And I will share what I can, when I can.
One final update, The college:
The college reversed the teachers grade and said they found my words full of hope in what makes America truly exceptional. The idea any man or woman can self direct their destiny here is key to the “American Dream” and is what sets America apart from the rest of the world. They said my words were thoughtful and accurate.
I had to acknowledge that some do have a stepper hill to climb because of race, or even geographic location but in the end these will not impede the human spirit when properly motivated and applied. So in the end I got my A.
Now I have to watch this teacher as there maybe hard feelings. But the teacher also knows I will fight when I believe I’ve been treated poorly or unfairly. Hopefully we won’t need to do this again.