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People must think me stupid. I received this question about yesterdays post.

So when my recovering alcoholic friend comes over and I put my booze away and serve coffee and soda to everyone I am being a sorry wuss because I am not exercising my right to drink a scotch? I should just break out the Glenlivet 18 and drink away?

First of all this is Apple to Oranges and a strawman excuse to try and win a point. I know where you are taking it and I’m not biting. You intend to play off the “temptation” angle.

This question is first and foremost dealing with an addiction. Second it’s dealing with a “friend” and a fully planned event.

I am talking about a woman’s clothing which isn’t an addiction. I’m also talking about both friends and strangers in my post. I am further talking about public events where people will see you in an unplanned nature.

So let’s put your question into a more proper context.

To be more exact you’d have to say if my former alcoholic friend and I were walking in the park and we came across someone with a beer. Would that person we saw be responsible if my friend went on a bender that night? The answer is “no” the stranger would not be responsible for your friends thoughts or actions.

Nor would you be responsible if that friend popped in unexpectedly and you were having a scotch. Nor would you be if he saw you drinking causally in your back yard as he walked by on the sidewalk..

What you are asking is should I rub my friends addiction in his face? My question would be “How good a friend are you if you would intentionally rub an addiction in your friends face?”

Knowing he has the addiction; it’s callus to rub it in his face like that and the “bigger” friend would avoid the drink for a bit while the alcoholic friend visits during a planned and invited event. But ultimately you are NOT responsible for his actions if he goes on a binge drinking spree after visiting your house even if you had a drink around him or in front of him. HE still makes his own choices.

This still has nothing in the world to do with my shorts and a tank top being “immoral” and “improper”. It has nothing to do with telling a girl “you are responsible for a mans thoughts when he sees you in a bathing suit” or “your clothes make a man think impure thoughts”. This is what my answer is to.

The reply is to people saying “when you are clothes shopping remember men will see you and they may think impure thoughts.” Did I take it to an extreme? Yes. The point remains that what I wear or do not wear has NOTHING to do with what some stranger thinks of me. Nor my ability to some supposed control their thoughts.

Some men find a woman’s elbows sexy should I cover those? Some fantasize about a woman’s ankles. Should I be mindful and cover those? Some men find a woman’s hair sexy. Should I be forced to cover that? Some find eyes, ears, feet, hands sexy. I should cover those too?

To make your comparison fair I would say this. Should I consider my husband or wife’s opinion of my clothing? Yes I should, but those are the only people I should consider when going out or buying clothes. I should never consider what some stranger will think if he sees me in the clothes I buy.

If I am on the beach in my bikini should I be concerned what strangers will find sexy, improper or impure? See what I wear does not make me responsible for what “you” think. What I wear does not affect your addiction. Nor would I go to my conservative pastors home in the nude.

It’s called common sense and that’s what I’m discussing with what I wear or don’t wear, common sense. It is common sense to think I can’t control the thoughts of others no matter how many clothes I put on.

The fact remains women in hijab and burka still get raped and men still fantasize about them. Why is that you ask? Because people have independent thoughts and fantasies and I can’t control those thoughts no matter how much I wear either.

Hope I’ve fully answered your question. The simple answer is no matter what you do you can’t “control” even an addicts actions.

I am around knives in the kitchen, I see my dad cutting chicken, Sarah cutting fruits and my son cutting potatoes. Are any of them responsible if I think about using those knives on myself? No. Are they responsible if I sneak in the kitchen later and use a knife on myself? No.

Who would be responsible for that? Well I would be responsible. Even an addict can’t use the excuse that so and so made me do it. It’s an excuse and nothing more to blame others for our own actions.

So the simple answer is you shouldn’t drink knowing it might tempt your supposed friend. If he really is your friend you’d choose to NOT drink one night because you know your friend is an addict. But if you were so insensitive as to drink in front of him you aren’t responsible nor in control of “his” actions. Even if you were insensitive enough to offer him a drink knowing he was an alcoholic you wouldn’t be responsible for “his” choice to drink or his actions.

He could easily say no. He has free will and you can’t control him and make him do anything he doesn’t want to do.

That is the simple and a little callus fact of life.

~Michelle