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Here is the original story I commented on Sexual Chemistry?

In this article she tackles the notion of sex as base chemistry and the idea of that chemistry simple fading. She rightfully points out this is a cope-out. The idea we aren’t in control of our own sexual attitudes is laughable. If the sexual chemistry fades then you allowed it to since your biggest sex organ is your brain.

I agree with this assessment. Sex with my wife is every bit as thrilling 16 years later as it was the first time. I am attracted to her more so today than when first we meet. I seriously don’t understand this love fades bullshit cope-out either.

Anyway back to my point. One of the comments by Dreams Of Dunamis (DOD as I will call him/her moving forward) I take exception with.

DOD said:

One of my kids, (who can see into the spiritual world,) has described to me what can happen when two people are attracted to each other. When they are not believers, each person’s demons reach out to the other and create a ‘pull’ that both people feel as attraction. When two believers meet and are attracted to each other, (and when it is God’s Will,) it is their angels that help create this encouragement towards each other. Simplistic perhaps, but his description of what happens was eye opening for me.

Personally I have been affected by the sexual lust demon. It is just as the bible describes… a ‘burning’ feeling. Not all that pleasant when you really think about it. In order to get rid of the sexual lust demon, I had to cast it out in Jesus name. Thankfully, Jesus set me free from its burn…

(For believers only:
Getting rid of the curse of lust:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/glyndalomax/2013/06/28/wings-radio-with-glynda-linkous
and breaking the curse of divorce and division:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/glyndalomax/2013/07/19/wings-radio-with-glynda-linkous

So many people today underestimate satan and his legions. But satan would like nothing more than to rip apart families through infidelity and divorce. Just think of how many people are injured through it…

So I replied with this:

That “burning feeling” is herpes. My wife is a medical professional and has advised me to have you get that checked out. Infidelity and divorce is simple to explain. Marriage is work and both parties have to work at staying with it. Nothing more, nothing less. When one stops actively working the marriage is doomed. Why do people have to be ignorant to the reasons for divorce?

In the new instant gratification society I don’t doubt that the “me” generation has such high divorce rates. To few intelligent people left to form good solid marriages. Have I seen other cute women besides my wife? Yup I certainly have. Would I consider for a moment stepping outside my marriage? Not on your life. But that’s what it takes to make a marriage work. That’s why my wife and I have survived 16 years together. We know we both have to work to make it work.

The sex is only chemistry or demons is a cope-out used by those who aren’t willing to put in the work. If all that attracted you to your spouse was a sexual chemistry good luck making it work. I was attracted to the mind and heart of mine. Is she cute? Hell yeah she is. But her outside isn’t what I’ve ever found as the reason to marry her. What you describe is pure and simple physical attraction. It’s your mind being an animal because you’re not in control.

I wrote this some time ago.”To steel my soul I need but close my eyes to see her, inhale deeply to smell her, and whisper her name to hear her whisper mine. How do you tell one so special all you feel for her? Of this I have no answer but I look with favor toward our life together and shall never stop trying to find the right words. Until then I pray my heart is heard with its every beat by she who makes my world brighter with just a smile, a touch, a word or a thought. Her presence makes me a better me.”

It’s all in the mind, love, true love is in your head. I don’t need to see her to know her beauty. Because her beauty is far deeper than skin deep. I feel in love with who she is and not what she looked like. That sir is neither angel nor devil, it’s morals, commitment, honor and control.

Morals, in seeking for true love and not sexual attractiveness alone.
Commitment, to myself knowing I deserve to be seen for the me that will never fade with time just as my lover and wife deserves to be seen in the same.
Honor, in my words and deeds and staying true to my promises. “To forsake all others and to love her in richer or poorer until death do us part”. If you can’t even be true to the promises you make then you have no honor.
Control, of my animal mine and not fall for simple physical attraction.

But you can explain away a weak will and lack of commitment to your partner using simple chemistry or demons as a crutch. But I won’t and my wife and I will be together as we promised. “Until death do us part”.

Look Pinocchio, there ain’t no strings on me.

I was informed my comment was inappropriate and impolite. I guess the joke about herpes was over the line. For that I apologize for harming your sensibilities. But I want to take the time to reply properly. So here goes:

Dear DOD,

Excuses like demons, sexual chemistry and lust have been used by many cultures to justify abuse, mistreatment and rape of women.  This idea that men have no control should be repugnant to any real man. The idea women cause sexual assaults or even lust is personally repugnant. These ideas are dangerous and lead to comments like this.

Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali, the nation’s most senior Muslim cleric, compared immodestly-dressed women who do not wear the Islamic headdress with meat that is left uncovered in the street and is then eaten by cats.

These types of comments blame women for sexual assault, rape and lust. They would have you believe a man is no better than a honey dog who has no thoughts of his own except carnal thoughts. If I were a man I’d certainly be ashamed anyone thought me incapable of controlling myself sexually. I find it hard to believe a man is any less able to be in sexual control of his emotions any less than a woman is.

Frankly “a demon made me do it” is a cope-out for I was weak and not thinking and I allowed my morals to be compromised for a moments satisfaction. Think about it as a wife which would I rather hear as an excuse why my spouse cheated.

Dear, I have something to tell you. A demon took me over (Or there was just this chemistry I couldn’t resist) and I had sex with my secretary. It will never happen again I swear.

As a spouse my reply would be so you expect me to believe you weren’t in control because a demon or chemistry made you do it but I am to believe you NOW can control it? It’s a little late now for that and your promise is shallow and unbelievable. After all what will stop the demon or chemistry in the future?

Or maybe it goes down this way.

Dear, I have something to tell you. I screwed up and in a moment of weakness I had sex with my secretary. But I am getting help now for my weakness and if you’ll keep me I promise it won’t happen again.

As a spouse I’m sure I’ll still be angry and hurt but at least you came clean and took personal responsibility for YOUR actions. There is a big difference here. One the spouse can control and understands they can control where the other suggests the spouse had no control.

The idea men can’t control their urges and are mere sexual animals has lead to women being lashed because they were raped. Like the below illustrates. Your attitude is what leads to this type of barbarism. The woman caused her rape, the men are not responsible. So not only was she gang-raped she was then lashed 100 times and imprisoned for one year. The men? Walked free all of them.

Saudi judge sentences pregnant gang-rape victim to 100 lashes and one year in prison  for committing adultery. The mercy of the court will allow the lashes to be delayed until after the baby is born.

They forced little girls back into a burning school because they weren’t covered properly. Fifteen died in that fire. They said women uncovered would be dangerous to the woman because it would incite men into sex.

So the attitude is women have control of themselves AND of men? Hog wash!

I choose when, where and with whom I am willing to have sex. If sex would be to occur my partner would also have to choose to have sex. Then and only then does sex happen. Sex happens when BOTH parties choose to have sex and not because of chemistry, demons or any other excuse.

The devil made me do it

Anyone who says sex is only about chemistry is honestly shallow and wouldn’t be worth my time. That means they are merely looking at me physically. Am I pretty? Yup I didn’t make five grand a week stripping because I am hideous. I don’t have guys and girls check me out when I walk by in a bikini because I am ugly. But if the outside is all they see then they miss the fantastic person I am inside.

Personally I believe my mind, my soul, my compassion and my heart are prettier than anything my physical appearance has to offer. I believe because I’ve been told I am beautiful inside and out. But I’m not shallow enough to look merely upon the exterior for a partner. I don’t believe in chemistry that can fade.

I feel in love with Sarah for her mind and the person she is and not the physically beautiful woman she is. Our love has lasted sixteen years and will last sixteen thousand years should we be so blessed to live that long. I made her a promise when we married to love her forever, to forsake others, to be true in sickness and health in richer or poorer and until death do us part. I made that promise to her, those who attended the wedding, to my god and the Christian god of my wife.

My word I take seriously. Is love work? Yes because you have to want to be in the relationship. Both parties need to work at staying in the relationship. If not then love fails. I think sex has been better since we got married.  Any “chemistry” we have is in the mind and if you feed the mind it stays.

So I don’t buy into the honeymoon sex period, the chemistry sex period, the devil made me do it. I subscribe to personal responsibility. dedication, loyalty and work in love.

It’s a dangerous cope-out to think you don’t control your actions in sex. It leads to victim blaming for rape and a lack of personal responsibility. It’s dangerous because it puts you on a slippery slope of what else aren’t you responsible for? Murder? Lying? Where does personal responsibility start and end when allowed to cope-out on such a vital subject as sex.

You seem like a decent person DOD but you are mistaken on this matter and I hope this explains my feelings on the matter better.

My two cents,

Michelle

Your thoughts on personal responsibility and sex? Is using Chemistry or the devil made me do it a cope-out? Chime in now.