Why fight?

It’s been ten months since my suicide

Ten months unable to hide

Ten months she’s waited by my side

Ten months unable to hide

Unable to hide inside my head

From the monsters beneath my bed

Hiding inside and filled with dread

Because of monsters beneath my bed

I’ve been freed they say to live my life

Freed from what I ask my wife

In side I’m not free and still there’s strife

Freed from what! I tell my wife

So far I’ve come and so far I must go

So far and so little with nothing to show

I’ve learned so much and still don’t know

So far and so little, I’ve nothing to show

Two steps forward and three steps back

Where am I now I’ve lost my track

Pain ahead but I see light, even a crack

Where am I now I can’t keep track

Why press on when I want to stop

My life in full, snip, snip crop

All this trouble yet am I on top

My life in pieces, snip, clip, crop

Therapy has been a whirlwind. I really don’t know if I am up or down. It seems as though I’ve made progress and then suddenly none at all. I thought the pain was going to stop. It hasn’t stopped. I want to stop talking, I want them to stop asking. I’ve told you my mind 100 times, my nightmares a thousand more. What more can they want of me?

I’m being dissected little piece by little piece. Can we stop here a bit? I need to catch my breath.

~Michelle