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First let me start by saying my intention here is 100% for knowledge. I do not mean to offend anyone because I have questions. Though attempting to answer my questions will require some thought as I’ve put some thought behind why I asked them. So that said and without further ado.

Riddle me this.

First here are my presumptions based on conversations I’ve had with Christians and Theologians.

  • My Christian friends believe in a 100 percent all, perfect loving god.
  • This god HATES evil.
  • This god is 100% sovereign and in control of everything that happens in our lives. In some great master plan.
  • He gave humans the gift of free will.
  • We will answer for our sins in the end of time and be judged by god.

I’d like to tackle something today and I am trying to be delicate so as not offend anyone. However I have question and hopefully the answers will give me a better understanding of your faith.

So here is my sticky points. If god is sovereign and in charge of everything that happens in our lives wouldn’t we be mere puppets? I mean our free will would allow us to simply defy his design otherwise we wouldn’t be free. So what kind of perfect and loving father would give a gift called free will and then give no freedom?

These two concepts are in stark contrast of each other. More over if he is sovereign and all good and hates evil wouldn’t he have just crushed Satan the lord of pure evil? I mean he does hate evil and being in complete control of our lives wouldn’t our lives be full of good and only good since he does after all hate evil? He is after all “perfect love” and perfect love protects its own. Free will and a sovereign god who controls everything and planned everything can’t coexist on the same planet, not even in the same galaxy.

The idea of a sovereign god in control of everything would excuse people from judgment because after all they were just doing his will. Here is another parallel that can’t coexist. The idea that the sovereign god who controls everything makes it so the men who beat and raped me were doing his will by executing his plan. So none of these men could be held “responsible” on judgment day since they were just doing his will and that is supposed to be a perfect will.

So how can we be responsible for our own actions if he is in control with his master plan?

A sovereign god controls every aspect of our lives. Everything that happens to us at every time in our lives was his plan and design. That is weird and you would have a very strange god if that were true. What you are saying by this is god wanted me beaten nearly to death and gang raped. How odd if he hates evil because I can think of little that is more evil or vile in this world. I know they could have killed me, I still wish they had it would have been mercy.

I cannot seem to reconcile the two. A god in total control and a gift of free will. Wouldn’t a perfect god understand free means free?

I can understand god may know everything that’s going to happen but I do not believe for a moment he planned and is in control of my entire life. Whatever happened to our free will? I do believe god can take any evil including my rape and turn it to be used for good. My rape gives me a unique perspective into the minds of girls who have suffered rape as I have. He did bless me with an incredible mind and a good heart.

I am using MY free will to help others. Like a firefighter who rushing into a burning building to save lives I am willing to rush into the pain of rape to do the same. That is free will used the way god would want it used. But it has nothing to do with his master plan.

That is the beauty behind our free will. But that beauty has a flipside. To me flipside is the 14 year old girl walking home who gets abducted, gang raped and beaten nearly to death. This type of evil is incapable for an all good and loving god to will or have wanted this to happen. Did he save my life? I believe he did. But he didn’t will this to happen, he is incapable of inflicting or allowing such inflicted upon us.

Had this type of god been able to do anything about it don’t you think he would have stopped it?

It’s hard to comprehend sometimes why bad things happen except they happen because man’s free will which is either a  true gift given to us or is not. A gift given to us to live our own lives as we see fit and to make the choice for good or evil on our own.

Simple instances fireman shows free will extreme good rushing into that burning building risking his own body and satefy or another version would be the animals that chose to rape me and beat me. They just used their free will to cause harm and evil.

So the big question is how do you bring all those into flow. That first god is sovereign and in total control of our lives.

  1. How do you explain he is a good, just and loving god who planned for me to be gang raped? After all he is in complete control right? He is pure good right? He hates evil right?
  2. How can god be in complete control and we still have free will? I mean free means free and a perfect god would know that.
  3. How can a god in complete control who hates evil not have simply snuffed it out so we wouldn’t have to deal with evil at all?
  4. How can you claim if god is in complete control he will judge us for our own actions? Free will or complete control only one leaves room for self-directed choice. The other leaves no room for independent judgment.

If this is offensive sorry that I forced you to think. I seriously like knowing what others think and believe. But for the life of me I can’t wrap my head around Christian thinking on this. We are either free or we are not, god is either all pure good or he is not. The questions are many and the answers are they don’t align in this universe or the next.