It’s been a troubling few weeks. So much stress for my wife Sarah. So much so we hadn’t made love since my surgery. That’s almost five weeks! If I didn’t know better from fifteen years together I’d wonder if she still loved me. Normally we never go more than a few days without that touch.
But there’s been so much stress that even family came apart and ended in my parents leaving Hawaii for Maine upset. The love of my love upset with my parents but also knowing I had her back even when I must choose her or my parents. In this case my parents were very wrong but it wouldn’t have mattered. This is my wife the woman I will spend the rest of my life loving.
I want her to know that. I want her to know I will always choose her. Even if it means us against the world I will always stand with her.
So I thought a night away, just her and I would be nice. Josef (our son) is fifteen and staying at a friend’s house tonight. So I planned something special for just us. I packed a large cooler with all her favorite things. I packed my board in the car with the cooler and when she got home I said let’s go.
I drove her to her little island. After parking I unloaded my board, unloaded the cooler and walked her to the shore. I placed the cooler on the board and our night was to begin.
I spent the night with Sarah, alone on that little island she found. It’s a small patch of beach with a single tree, atop the coral. It’s a place where the waves are broken by the coral and gently nip the shore. It’s quiet and perfect for watching god’s creation, talking and being alone.
Before sundown we made our way to the island. A bottle (maybe two) of wine, cheese, crackers, some fruits, a salad, and sandwiches in a basket on my surf board in tow. I had charged my batteries to my implants all day so I could listen to her voice all night. For me, that meant being deaf all day.
Normally I’d wear my implants to hear the day’s activity, but tonight I wanted to hear Sarah so I saved my batteries. This would mean two days of being deaf again in the hearing world, but it meant one night just one night of hearing her words and sharing mine. A small sacrifice if you ask me.
We had to swim to the island in the crystal clear waters of Hawaii. A quiet place protected by coral where fish swim unmolested. It’s really cool seeing the flash of colors below as you swim. All the while joking and carrying on with Sarah.
Arriving at our destination we stood my board against the tree, sat the basket down by the tree and proceeded to the shore facing the sunset. It hadn’t set just yet, we made it in time. And god didn’t disappoint with the show.
Under the purple, red and yellow sky we sat. Our toes tickled by the waves lapping them as we watched the sun setting on this glorious day. Her hand in mine and mine in hers we sat without a word as God gave us an impressive show. We knew he looked down and blessed us this day.
The day gave way to night and her first words were “I love you”. I know she does, but I love hearing it. I put my arm around her and shimmied closer and said “I love you too.” We sat a while watching the night sky before she stood and sat back down in front of me. She sat between my legs with her back to me so I could hold her. We sat, talked and gazed at the sky, alone under gods’ blanket of stars.
I don’t know how long we sat and talked before realizing we hadn’t eaten. Our phones were in the waterproof basket with our food. We opened the basket and prepared dinner. Looking at our phone it was already 11pm before we ate. Time seemed to stand still and fly in the same moment.
As we ate on that Friday night Sarah said “It’s amazing.” I asked “What’s amazing.” She said “How god connected every human on earth with the moon. When we are alone and thinking of someone all we have to do is look up and we know they are too.”
I smiled. It’s true it does connect us all. I know who she was thinking about. Did they connect that night also? Now I was wondering and thinking of one far away. Now I was also connected.
We ate our ham and Swiss cheese sandwiches, drank some wine and just stared at each other the whole time. I’ve always loved the way her eyes twinkle in the moonlight. After the week of reading deep sadness in a new blogger friend it was nice to be present with Sarah. She reminds me of all that is right in the world. When I’m with Sarah nothing in the world matters to me. It’s funny how a week of pain, anger and fights can be thrown off in a moments gaze.
I told her this medical joke I heard. The nurse says “Doctor, Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room! “ The doctor replies “Well go in there and tell him I can’t see him.” She spite wine out her nose. It wasn’t all that funny but it made her laugh.
I love the way she laughs. I’m thankful I can now hear that laugh.
In a world of pain and sadness moments like these are all too rare. It’s really amazing how gods’ world, good company and a lover’s laugh can make everything better. In that moment nothing else matters. I’ll file this night for when I’m down and it will lift my spirits again.
When we finished eating she told me to come here and patted her lap. I laid my head on her legs as she leaned against the tree. Stroking my hair she told me her love for me. It seemed I laid there forever, how her hair glistened in the moon light. Her touch is soothing and her voice soft like angels.
I was lost in that moment and spell bound by her presence. So much so I lost track of time and barely remember a word she uttered. What I do remember is the peace I felt with her, how much I adore her and how lucky I am to have her love. She was the first angel god sent to me and the catalyst to his enormous blessings upon me.
I reached up and pet her hair and sang soft kitty to her. She laughed and I wondered why the hell I did that. Oh yeah, just to hear her laugh. She wiggled and lay beside me in the sand beneath the tree and moon; all the while we lay beneath the blanket of stars. As we lay face to face I touched her hair too and she sang to me our song.
(For those who don’t know it’s Stryper “Honestly”)
I smiled on the outside but on the inside I was in real terror. I’ve always hated people touching my face. I couldn’t feel it with the prosthetic anyway. I knew her kiss was coming and sure enough as she finished she kissed my face. She always kissed my face and I know it’s to say I love you for you and the monster you see I don’t see. Yet still I hated even her kiss on my cheek.
She kissed me where she always had, right where the prosthetic used to be. To my surprise my fears subsided as I felt her lips on my cheek. She kissed my flesh, my real flesh and blood cheek. Better yet I felt it.
I think I’ll always remember that shiver in my spine as I felt her lips on my face. I didn’t even feel her loosen my bikini to be honest. I was captured in her voice and enthralled with her lips on my face. It struck me this was the first time since I was healed that she touched my face with her lips.
I pulled her on top of me and kissed her with my eyes open. I wanted to see her gaze and I wanted her to know it is ok. I wanted her to see in my eyes the world is alright and she is loved. I wanted her to share this moment lost in my eyes as I was already a slave to hers.
My will is broken by her and my spirit set free. I give myself to her in everything and everyway. I am her willing prisoner. The look in her eyes would and did tell me that she feels the same.
As her hands touched my sides and traced my stomach and my body told her all she needed to know. My back arched, oh how I’d missed her touch and my body made it known. The touching went on all night, touching, eating, touching, laughing and talking and touching.
Her every touch reminded me why my heart beats. Her every word reminded me why I love her. Every moment with her is one I’ll cherish a lifetime. Her smile reminds me that I’m loved. Her laugh reminds me of simpler times long past. This night reminds me I’m blessed beyond worth and beyond words.
We ended up making love on the beach that night. I’m not sure when exactly we feel asleep but we woke to the morning sun already bright in the sky. It took a moment to realize we were still naked and I was still entwined in her arms. It was now almost 930am and after that night we had sand in places we shouldn’t have.
We had sand in places we wished we didn’t. So we went skinny dipping in the ocean to get the sand off and rinsed the sand from our clothes. Remarkably two bottles of wine were gone and neither of us had a hangover.
The batteries to my implants now exhausted and the world was quiet for me once more. Something that is very odd for me indeed. Yet I couldn’t draw my gaze from her and her words still soft upon my ears. I could still hear the ocean and her words of love in my mind. The words that broke the silence last night will ring for me all day long. “I love you.”
We picked up the bottles of now empty wine, cleaned up our island and got dressed. It was time for our paddle to shore and our drive home. Though our paddle to shore was quiet I knew none the less that all was right in the world now. I’m so happy god provided such a night and the rain held off.
A bonus is I no longer fear her kiss. I can’t wait for the next spine tingling kiss on my cheek. To be honest my body is excited waiting in anticipation for the next one. The ride home was full of laughing and though I was deaf the sound of her laughter filled my thoughts. What an amazing and blessed night. What a blessed and amazing day still to come.
All of it smothered in memories no one can steal from me. All of it ripe with anticipation of new memories still to come. Enough to fill ten lifetimes, poured out in but moments under the stars with the one true love of my life.
Thank you Sarah for being my wife and thank you for the memories you’ve helped create. Now and forever I am yours in body, mind and spirit. I hope you know that.
There are people in our lives to heap god’s blessings upon us. Those special people also create memories that can withstand any trial. I’m learning thanks to Sarah just how blessed I truly am. She was the first proof god loved me. He sent someone so special to me. He sent me my first angel in Sarah. She has been my rock in all things and she should know I am her rock in all things.
Nothing will come between us, ever. You saved me from the darkness; you’ve loved me through everything. I hope you understand my devotion to you and the fact I will always love you in all things and always. I have had a great example of love, just being loved by you.