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Today I present just a collection of thoughts and feelings between the time of waking after the surgery and the stitches coming out. It isn’t much and it’s not very deep but it brings you along for the ride. You get a peek at my thoughts and insights during this season of healing.

My journey to one face (Post surgery until the stitches come out)

Well I’m back. This is a collection of entrees while I heal. It is less than the previous posts but not less important. These are just feelings and brief observations during important days in my healing process. They are entries into my journal which isn’t always meant for other eyes.

It’s day one of being awake and my face hurts ….. a lot. They kept me asleep for a few days I guess to allow me time to heal. The doctors said it was a huge success but they won’t let me see yet. There is bleeding still and the nurses come and change my bandages. Sarah said it’s going to look incredible. But hey she’s being hopeful and trying to keep my spirits up.

For now I lay and wait until they let me see.

Today I was allowed to go see a girl who needed someone who understood her. I told her why I was here, about my past, my face and we cried and talked a while. She will have memories to conquer and scars that need healing. It’s a long road, I can tell you that. A very long and lonely road to recovering what was stolen.

She wasn’t talking to any one, I know where she was at. She was feeling violated again in a place she should feel safe. I told her of my experience at the hospital and how it felt. But I also told her they were doing their jobs so they could put away the person who did this.

It’s awful to experience almost a second rape of your dignity. A second full violation and in a place where you thought they were helping you and you were finally safe. It’s hard to see you are safe during this time.

The police and hospital staff bought me a pizza for helping. Sweet, unexpected surprises but it was also tasty. Well that’s enough for day one. It’s nice to make a difference and nice to be appreciated for it. But honestly I did it because God told me to.

Day two and there is less pain today. The bandages were almost blood free when they changed them today. They also let me up out of bed for a while. Up onto my own two feet and not in a wheel chair like I was yesterday.

It hurts like hell to laugh and Joey thinks it’s funny. Pay back is a bitch young grasshopper! My vision is a little blurry still but not bad all together and blinking doesn’t hurt. They said it might hurt. But good news it doesn’t.

I still haven’t seen my face. They said it’s swollen and they want me to wait. I’ve got half a mind to rip the bandages off and take a look. But I’ll be good. Tomorrow the bandages come off and stay off except for the flight back to Hawaii. I guess covering it on the plane might help avoid infection.

Great more stares and questions coming. Hopefully these are the last ones about what happened to my face. For now I wait.

Day three and I waited before making an entry. I waited because I wanted to see before I posted. I guess it’s ok. My face is still swollen a lot, tender to touch and all red. To me it looks like a mess still but everyone told me the swelling will go down and the color will normalize. To say I am apprehensive about the outcome is putting it lightly. God I hope this works!

There are a lot of very fine stitches but I see where the scarring will be. When I said I can see where the scars will be, the doctor bet me a coffee that in six weeks’ time no one will see a scar at all. It’s so on! But if minor scars and slight colorations is all I have to cover it’s a vast improvement. To be honest this is one bet I hope to lose.

I can say the flesh they put has taken well and the skin is soft and sensitive. I might actually feel where I have had no feeling for a very long time. Sarah already started giving me little kisses there and grinning at me. Oh boy, yeah me. More before we go home as I might skip a posting tomorrow.

Well today it’s time to go home.

I honestly don’t think I’m going to lose this bet but hey I’m no doctor. They put the bandages back on for the flight and we are at the airport. My face is less swollen and there is still a little discomfort with laughing but no real pain now. In a few days the stitches come out. That will be my next update I guess. No stitches!

I got to see the young lady again before leaving and she seems to be on the right path. I turned her doctors on to the Inside me posts so they could get a peek inside the mind of one who has been treated so. I got some hugs, thank you and I hope they can help this girl. She is out of my ability to help now, so it’s faith in all that’s done and will be done to help her. I hope I did some good, I feel as though I have. Odd it seems to have helped me as well.

Well enough for today. We fly back home soon. I can’t help but wonder when that doctor will buy me a coffee. Hehe.

One more bit for today I guess. Honestly it’s been weird not applying my prosthetic and makeup. Still I wonder what it will look like. At the same time my childhood prayers are all answered. God has made me one person. I have ears now and finally one face, my face. How much more could he do to say “Michelle I love you!”

Well the doors are closing and it’s time to fly home with my son, my wife and my father. Thank you God for moments like these.

Day twelve since the surgery. Today the stitches come out and a second doctor will tell me how much scarring to expect. I’m on pins and needles and quivering with anticipation. Upon a day I shall see it finished and judge the final product for myself.

My face isn’t swollen, the marks are still in my face but the scars will be very little. They should be very easy to conceal, or so it looks. I will spend minutes not hours making myself presentable is my bet.

I’m pretty pleased to see this now. This doctor said the scars if any will be very well concealed without makeup. That is yet to be seen, but it appears I may owe a doctor a cup of coffee.

~Michelle

That’s all for now. I’m not sure when the next addition to this series will be. Probably a few weeks when I can see more of it. When I see it without surgical marks still visible.