One of the men who raped me has become a pastor in prison. I’ve worked through forgiving all but one of the men. Sarah says I had no right to ask this of him. I feel if he can help me shouldn’t he? Maybe that is a good way for him to make amends for the wrong he has caused?

Sarah thinks I’m placing an undo burden on him? What do you think?

Dear (Name withheld)

I know I never wanted to hear from you or about you but I had a few things to say.

First I’ve heard of your prayer vigil. That is nice of you. Thank you for your prayers. I know people don’t believe me but an agel has come and taken away the nightmares. I now sleep the night without reliving that day.

I am not asking you to believe me. I am just stating the facts that I know. Few if any truly believe in the angel. But I believe.

What I need help with is something more personal. As a pastor and the only one with first hand knowledge of that day. I want some advice if you’re willing to share it. I know I may be asking to much of you in asking this.

First where I’ve gotten to.

I’ve been working on forgiving all five of you. I have forgiven four of you. But I find myself unable to forgive the man who started it all. He stole so much more than you from me.

How can I forgive the monster? I know somehow I have to reconcile this for my own healing. But I’m stuck. I can’t bring myself to forgive him. His crimes are unforgivable. I find myself stuck willing to go to hell for not forgiving him as long as he goes to hell as well.

Is it wrong of me to want him to suffer? My life has been hell on earth since that day.

Even the angel has said nothing on the subject. When I’ve asked him how to forgive this man he replies. Pray for what you seek and listen. I’ve prayed, I’ve listened. No one answers.

It’s probably not fair for me to ask you. I just figured with your unique perspective.

Seeking answers so I might move on,