, ,

(Sarah here)
Michelle asked me to delete this letter and stop her auto postings. I say no. It’s important to record her thoughts, her heart on this. Perhaps in its recording someone else may find words of comfort.

Obviously she expected to die from this. She left a letter for us to move on, some last words. I think they give an insight into her mental state of being. So I didn’t delete this and she maybe upset with me when she finds out. So be it.
(End Sarah and begin Michelles words)

Good bye my friends. I can no longer take the nightmares and darkness. I have stayed until I thought you strong enough to live without me. If I was wrong it’s to late now to go backwards. The world is a better place without my darkness and in the big picture I mean nothing. I have placed a burden on you in sharing and that was unfair of me. I go now to a better place free of pain and darkness.

If you are reading these words I was successful and my suffering is over.

Gods mercy, my hands.

Dearest Sarah,

I know by the time you read this I’ll be in a better place. I wanted to say how enjoyable you’ve made my life. Every moment with you was my only solace from pain. I will love you and take that love where I go. I know you’ll find another and my will already leaves you everything except what I’ve left for Josef.

Please don’t cry for me. If this appears I have moved on from the world of shit and piss to a world free of this. You will always be my best friend, my lover and the only reason my heart beat as long as it did. I could take it no more. The nightmares were never ending, always a reminder around every corner. Just when I think it’s safe I must live it over.

Thank you for your love. You are free now to not worry about me. A burden I would see lifted sooner except I lacked the courage to make it so. They say in sharing burden you may see it lifted. Mine just dragged all who shared down. Down into the depths of hell itself.

A burden I lift from you and a curse not yours to share any longer.

Dearest TJ,

I am sorry I’ve caused so much pain. You’ve watched me struggle and it’s hurt you. I am sorry I placed my burden on you. You deserve so much better than me. I hope you’ll find that now free of my burdens and free of my pain. You’re a great guy and one who brought me comfort during my time of need.

Much love and appreciation for sharing such an awesome heart with me. There was some comfort in it. I’ll see you again when it’s your time to pass. Your angel now looks after you. I will watch over you until we meet again.

Dearest Josef,

You are the only thing in my life I ever did right. I’m so proud of you, so very very proud. I’ll watch you grow from here into a young man, a husband and a father. I am finally free and this is a time to celebrate my life not cry of my death. I left this world and it’s a better place without me. Those I’ve weighed with burden are now free to live.

As for me I died inside so many years ago. Life was something I more often had to endure. My happiest moments are those I’ve spent with you. You and you alone brought sunshine to a darkened world. My life was worth living in order to have you. God does send blessings to our lives. He sent me you.