How can you tell the person you love you want to die? A time when darkness comes and no end, no salvation is beheld. When tears form in their eyes and you feel nothing… nothing at all. When you do feel it’s pain, endless pain.
I know the feeling of being so small. The over whelming felt inside, the helpless and despair that comes when you’ve given up. How can you make another see when you have no more to give? Spent inside and nothing remains to be recharged. I have known this for a while. Living now on borrowed time.
I failed to tell her. I can’t bear the pain reflected in her eyes. With shame I gawk at the blank page before my eyes. How to tell her how I feel? There are no words for this pain, no triumph, only shame. How desperate the mind when suicide becomes it’s only thought. A rational thought among irrational circumstances.
I rise from the Phoenix’s pyre, resurrecting over and over. The depths of the soul and bottomless heart bring no relief. That pyre my worst enemy as now I can not even die. Perhaps Pyre can be blown out given emptiness and pain. In the vacuum the pyre even dies.
What is it like to be alive? I can not recall the day when pain was avoided. Now I embrace it like the lover long lost and forgotten in this war. I have forgotten what it’s like to live. Why should this husk remain walking among the living as a dead reminder of its former occupant. The shell remains unfilled.
Hollow eyes betray inner intent and the reflection of her tears weigh heavy. Existence for another and yet self fashioned ignored. I feel nothing inside but pain and hatred for what I’ve become. Why does he let me languish in such pain and anguish.
How can I tell what’s true when it’s not what others can bear to hear? My heart to yours I’ve lost my will to live.
I know you’re afraid to open your eyes.
Afraid of what you’ll see.
The girl that stands before you.
She’s longing to be free.
I know you’re afraid to open your heart.
Afraid to see what I see.
I know it’s hard to tell you with my heart.
To know what’s inside of me.