 When did you first kiss a girl? A boy?
 When did you first discover you liked girls? Boys?

I kissed Sarah when I was fourteen and before I was raped. I liked it a lot and she seemed to but we didn’t become more until more than a year later. While I lay in the hospital in the weeks and months following my suicide attempt is when Sarah and I became more than friends. It was then I confessed to her how much I had liked her lips on mine and she confessed the same.

Despite knowing the objections we’d face we decided to begin dating. We hide it for three years (from her parents and got caught by mine) because we knew her parents and mine would most likely not approve of it. We each “dated” boys for appearance. But the boys wanted more than appearance and it never lasted.

The very first boy was when I was 9. His name was Henry and I thought he was dreamy. He thought I was an icky girl with cooties. He chased me around the play ground it was glorious! But after the year ended he moved away.

I kissed my first boy (who kissed me back) when I was 16. Captain of the wrestling team and star football player his name was Ken. I remember his lips were not as soft as Sarahs but his touch was gentle and I liked it. He was the first boy I allowed to touch me in a sexual way. I of course don’t count my rape because I didn’t “allow” them to touch me.

I discovered I liked his touch. Despite him being a jock he was remarkably gentle and slow. He was the first I lay with in that way. I remember being conflicted because I loved Sarah but this felt so right. I had major nightmares for weeks after. I could barely sleep and I lost weight because I didn’t feel like eating.

As a kid I struggled with my weight. Sometimes over weight (at least I thought I was over weight) and others under weight. Ken was understanding and we had a grand time hanging out. Though when I am with a guy I often feel as though I’m cheating on my first love being Sarah.

 Blow pops or tootsie pops?

Damn gonna make me choose??? Ok blow pop the bubble gum lasts longer than the tootsie roll.

 What was your most embarrassing moment?

Getting caught by my parents naked and engaged in satisfying physical behavior with Sarah. I guess we were late for dinner (a rarity for me) so mom and dad took a walk to the lake where we always were back then in the summer. It was my junior summer and one thing lead to another and we found ourselves entangled with each other naked and in total ecstasy.

Until my parents stumbled upon us. Lucky for me we had reached the peak before getting caught but how embarrassing. My parents were cooler than I thought they’d be and told me I have a room for privacy and should probably consider using it.

 Are you dating anyone? Are you taking any applications?

Yes and No

 Do you think that fish get thirsty?

At first I was like WTF?? But then I decided hmmmm I’d say no unless you drop them on dry land then they tend to want water. Damn gluttonous fish always drinking. I guess in that way I drink like a fish tons and tons of water…

 What is the opposite of opposite?

Ok ummm yeah another WTF? The opposite of opposite is similar, same or exact.

 What was your funniest moment in life?

Hmmm funniest. Probably the time I tripped on the bottom stair and ended up sitting on my ass on the top stair wondering how the hell I fell UP the stairs. Everyone was laughing the moment they knew I was alright. To this day people who where there tell the story of the girl who falls up stairs.

 What disease did cured ham actually have?

Ummm IDK? Whatever it was I am glad the ham is cured since ham and bacon are cousins and I love bacon.

 What is the one thing would I ‘not’ know about you at the first meeting?

I eat like a horse. But I only weigh 120 pounds and at 5’8” with D cups that is pretty thin I guess.

 Do you think Tony the Tiger is sexy?

Hell yeah! He’s Grrrrrrrrreat!

 Who was your hottest boyfriend?

Looks alone? Hmmmm probably Ken. Internally the hottest? TJ I adore his mind and how it works. He is mysterious and new all the time. He isn’t your normal man I had those figured out a long time ago.

What do I mean by that you ask? Well for most men show up at their door with beer, pizza and a trench coat with nothing else on. This would make them elated. TJ is more complex than that where he would be more happy with a quiet night on the beach watching the sunset hand in hand.

 Does your boss like you or does he take you for granted? Do you find satisfaction in your working life?

Yes my boss likes me I get the job done. Yes I get some fulfillment out of my work.

 If you could go on a dream holiday, where would it be?


 Who is the one person you hate in your family?

There is this one sister in-law but pretty much everyone dislikes her. Though hate is such a strong word I’d say more like dislike.

 Describe your first date? What did you do, where did you go? Did you love him?

Well first of all it was with a her. My first ‘date” was with Sarah. We got two guy friends to come pick us up and we went of a “double date” just my parents didn’t know these guys were gay. They thought it was a different kind of double date. We went to the Fryberg fair. Sarah and I made out in the back seat and on every ride in the place. It was fun and we could honestly say we didn’t do anything sexually with the boys. Which made my dad happy at the time.

 If you were lucky enough to win the lottery, what would you do?

Make a trust fund for the crisis center and shelter so they could stay open forever.

 If you were caught in a fire and had to choose between saving your dog and new TV, what would you choose?

Easy the dog because a life is always more valuable than a possession.

 When you have a big problem who do you talk to your mom or dad?

I’m very close to my dad and I talk to him about everything. Even my monthly visitor I first talked to my dad before my mom.

 If you came across a genie who offered to make three of your wishes come true, what would those wishes be?

1) That I’d always have enough money to get the things I want or need
2) The slowest possible way to die is good health and I would wish that death on every person in the world
3) That the religion of peace would honestly practice true peace and love with all peoples.

 What are your addictions?
Pain and control through cutting.
Saving money.

 What are your fetishes?

The blog would become x-rated so I will not answer this question at this time because my blog is pg-13. My non-x-rated fetishes might include the feeling of being smooth hence my laser hair removal. I like being naked and I am kind of an exhibitionist when I feel safe.

 What do you hate most about yourself?

My scars both visible and invisible.

 Do you believe that ghosts exist in the real world?


 What was the worst date you have been on?

A guy in college took me shopping at the mall. I HATE SHOPPING!

 Do you believe in God?

Doesn’t everyone sane person believe in some God by some form?

 What do you want to change about yourself?

I want to fail at cutting. The only thing I want to quit forever.

 What is your biggest dream in life?

It had always been to hear and since getting my implants it’s now to forgive my past and move to a glorious and fulfilling future.

 Has a guy ever asked you to marry him?

Yes a few boy friends and some strangers who might have just been trying to be funny or something.

 Do you have any wild fantasies?

I’ve lived my wild fantasies but again PG-13 so we won’t go there. Do I have any I haven’t done? Perhaps a few but I can’t think of any off the top of my head.

 What is the one thing you are most ashamed of doing to a friend?

A virgin friend who was in a wheelchair who I gave the full Monica experience to. Yeah I am ashamed of that because it damaged our friendship and we couldn’t be just friends after that he wanted more. I did it for the wrong reasons to mostly so people would stop picking on him and calling him virgin boy. It ruined our friendship and I am ashamed of that.

 How much money do you hope to make in life?

Enough to never know need, have what I want and have enough to give generously to places like the Ronald McDonald House, the womans shelter and the crisis center to name a few.

 What’s your favorite sports car?

Saleen Mustangs my friend Sam used to own a really cool one.

 Do you lie often?

Nope. I try to never lie but I am human and never is harder than you think.

 What is your favorite childhood memory?

Fishing with my dad. I hated it back then and now I wish I could recapture every moment of them. I still fish with him but I’m no longer as little or in as much need of his time. If I could I’d go back and tell my younger self to relax and enjoy this time because later in life I’ll miss those days.

 Would you ever go hunting for sport?

No! My native roots tell me you kill for food not sport. To kill for sport dishonors the creator and the animal he created. It’s wasteful and in my opinion wrong. I have and do hunt but we eat what we kill.

 Have you ever cheated on someone before?

No but my first real boyfriend felt like cheating on Sarah even though she said ok.

 Which cartoon did you like the most?

Anamaniacs. Educational and funny and I have my nurse and she is a Helllllooooo NURSE!

 How old were you when you had your first crush?
 Orgasm?

My first crush was about age 9 on Henry. My first Orgasm was when I discovered my own sexuality about 12. My first with someone else was Sarah at age 15. My first with a boy was with Ken and I was 16.

That’s enough questions for today.
~Michelle Styles – June 5, 2014