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One last letter

I received a letter Grandpa Mato started for me. It was never finished. My father found it on his desk pen still sitting beside it. I wanted to share his incomplete letter with you his last words are prophetic and speaks directly to my trials of late.

My dearest Kitayel,

In the winter of my life I look upon you and see the wonderful woman you’ve become. I’ve seen you evolve from a child to a daughter and a woman any would be proud of. I’m not sure how many more letters remain in me but I’ll write you until I can’t write anymore. Why? Because you’re worth it.

Choose your friends careful. You will know your friends by this question. If this was known to be my last day would you come? Those that would drop everything to be there for you are your friends. Your second question is would I want you there? If the answer is yes these are your friends.

I would want you part of my last day and I know you’d come if you knew. That is friendship, no asking, no compromise, just love.

I’ve reread your blog posts regarding forgiving one of the men from your past. I’d urge you to place forgiveness on the express checkout. Be careful to plant what you seek in life because it’s true you reap what you sow.

If you plant forgiveness you will reap the reconciliation you desire.

———————-

He never finished this letter. I find myself crying as I read it and crying alone by myself. I’ve lost a wise teacher from my world. I wasn’t sad until I got this his last impartment to me of wisdom. This was the last letter he was working on and it was to me.

I feel both special and sad now. I should be celebrating his life not morning my lose. I however find myself the later lately. Of all his children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren he favored me.

His last line he ever wrote speaks to me his last imparting wisdom. His last day at least part of it was spent with me. I was his friend i wish I’d been able to come spend it with him. There was no time, no notice he was on his final days.

Forgiveness is reconciliation. I’ve written forgiveness is the beginning and Grandpa Mato confirmed that. But that beginning leads to reconciliation when it bears fruit. I guess age does bring wisdom and insight. Grandpa Mato was aged and wise with insight into people I could never hope to equal.

So a new story from Grandpa Mato one not told to others. One told only to this paper and meant for my eyes. A story of a friend he wanted to spend his final day with and a final message he wanted to give her. A story of a message received by tearful eyes and a heart now grieving it’s lose in private.

I will miss his wisdom and my life was enriched knowing him and hollow after his passing. I know He fought to have me named after the only other woman he gave his heart to. She was Wana’gi wabli (ghost eagle). He said I had her spirit and her eyes even back then. She was his beloved wife and partner and he wanted to honor me with her name. I learned this today from my father.

Welcome home and thank you Grandpa Mato. I will always treasure the moments you gave me and I will remember I will reap the reconciliation I seek with the forgiveness I plant.

~Michelle Styles – March 19, 2014

To my friends who pass the test above and you are few.

Remember the eyes blink together, see things together, move as one and cry together. They don’t need to see each other all the time to know the other is there and thinking about the other. They are friends as we will always be as we always will be. I do not need to see you for you to be on my mind and close to my heart.