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Two faces

_twofaces

Looking in the mirror, two faces I see
One long past and neither one is me
Trace the lines upon its flesh
Its face is twisted and thresh
Visions past and present mixed, I sigh

Looking in the mirror, neither face is known
Wounds of past, reminders many, cut to the bone
Its ugly, this thing that stares at me
Impressions of the past, living can’t you see
Visions of the future where I no longer cry

Two faces in the mirror, how can this be
Two faces in the mirror, neither one is me

One face of innocence, lost in time and space
The other is the beast within a scowl upon its face
One cries for time once past
The other tries to last
Desperately within I struggle to move on

Evil thoughts and twisted sight
It tries to prove its might
Twisted is the dominance, this by night and day
Its scared deeply and it cries I know not what to say
Inside I yearn for the things now gone

Two faces in the mirror, why don’t others see
Two faces in the mirror, neither one is me

Silently it suffers and withers in the dark
Waiting for the light to ignite the smallest spark
When light is present upon the careful mesh
Line take form upon its twisted flesh
This vision of misgiving

Lost face in time
It faced the rhyme
Hidden for so long
Its voice is never strong
Both visions need forgiving

Two faces in the mirror, how can this truly be
Two faces in the mirror, both inside of me

When I see myself now it’s not just the monster but also the little girl once lost. Hidden from the world for so long. The face I had and the face I believe I have now look back. How do you reconcile the lose of your face?

Sometimes I wonder why others can’t see the monster I see. I think can’t they see the scars. I know inside the doctors did a fine job concealing my scars. They’re barely visible to the naked eye and you have to know where to look. But I see them screaming out loud every time I look in the mirror.

Lately I’ve also seen the innocent child her face still free of scars, free of tears and pain. I don’t recognize either face as mine. Both mere perception one of what I think I am the other what I think I lost. But is it normal to fracture oneself and neither image be complete alone?

I stand neither the innocent child nor the monster I see. Shattered inside the pieces fall from place and yet appear as the whole. Both co-exist within pieces to the same puzzle and broken as to not fit. I’ve been advised both need forgiving.

The monster has protected the frightened child for so long it’s become the face I’ve known. The innocent child needs to know it’s alright anyone would hide and the monster needs to know it did good. Both need forgiveness for their own weaknesses.

The child needs forgiveness for being scared and hiding. The monster needs forgiveness for being forced to protect us for so long. Within neither is completed without the other and they need to be married and once more become one.

The monster tempered by the innocence of kindness and the innocence supported by the strength of the monster. They are both images of the same and yet pale shade of the whole. My journey into this new forgiveness which is reconciliation of self.

Both exist on equal plane and both lend to the other what it’s missing. A long road yet traveled lay before me and we look forward to a reunion. At the end of the road one face should remain….mine.

Michelle Styles – February 25, 2014