I’ve poured so much into my fears there should be nothing left to fear. Every shred of energy forced into crevasse and filled to over flowing. All my strength poured into standing as headlong I wade into its tide. Yet fear remains.
The war with fear seems an endless one. It stands not mortal not injury suffered and yet I lay battered from battle. Weary breath I stumble to footing, my eyes steeped and darkened. The wolf has not lost fight and this battle yet rages. Yet fear remains.
It stands a menace before me. It yields not, nor pressing and yet always upon heel. It stands before and aft in whichever direction I face. There it stands to darken desired path and mute any cry for aid. Yet fear remains.
I stab at it, fight against it, embrace it, and yet my efforts to overcome it fall short of desired target. Rage still within yet freed and fire burns against cold fear. Through the fire the winds hit hard and rend flesh to frost. Yet fear remains.
I stand paralyzed within as frost takes hold. Howling winds deafen the air and it stills at fears command. How do you defeat that which even the elements bend to its will? Yet fear remains.
What must I do to see it die? In the darkness I push and I find myself slipping ever still. I feel the icy fingers of fear still upon my neck and squeezing my heart. It seizes mind and cripples from within. Yet from my darkness I know its name and yet fear remains.
I stand yet slip beyond my ability to change. My mind grievously injured and within twisted upon itself. From darkness light now enters and though I stand my knees yet quake. Set up on mind the task of self-definition and from a time long past it remains muted to definition. Yet fear remains.
Its name is Gode and he haunts my dreams and feeds my fear. He is the shadow which descends upon me. He keeps it strong through denied slumber. In such I remain ill-equipped to stand ground in its face. So fear remains.
How to wound fear? My claws and teeth thought to bring mortal wound have done little. It stands yet unwounded by assaults both pressing and retreating. I know not how to win this battle before me. So fear remains.
Press in and find yourself engulfed. Fall back and find yourself upon precious no further ground to give. Divide force and find yourself weakened at its press. Seek high ground and it strikes from below footing. So fear remains.
I seek answer though none comes forth. Face fear with truth it clouds mind with lies. Every weapon stands null against overwhelming force. Starved it does not die and wounded it does not bleed. Gode the shadow of fear kills the mind from within. So fear remains.
What is wrong with me? My darkness parts and yet my heart shrinks in fear and I’m lost in things I once found my desire. Today I stand a shell lost to time the seeds of my heart. My fear remains.
~Michelle Styles – January 21, 2014