Today I find my mind still darkened and a struggle within to find proper footing. I feel myself stumble inside as no shelter no rest found in the darkness. No pain, no temptation to return to pain; only darkness. In solitude I find rest in it and for a time even in darkness peace is known. Here is my night in the darkness displayed for you and a sincere wish you like I find new horizon and proper footing.
Sometimes life feels alien to me like I walk on a planet and live a life unfamiliar to me. I walk this world in blindness to things around and in indifference I am found. Its beauty remains and wonderment stand erect; just beyond sight. Inside a vast, empty world devoid of light but one reality within troubled mind.
The darkness is not a wasteland as thought though nothing grows here. It is a place of reflection, contemplation and remembrance of all I stand. It’s a place of solitude where for a time pain does not challenge my mind. Silence as much a companion in these moments as any. Welcoming the unfeeling and searching for something within. I’ve yet to discover the key which lay here in the darkness and this night the moon rests. Normally the moon lights path until the sun rises to part clouded vision and bring light to darkened night. Yet this night the moon sleeps.
Alone within yet there are others. I know many like me struggle in the nothingness to find footing and hope for lights swift return. It no longer tempts me this day as a new champion is on the horizon. Hands out stretched he awaits my hand, his cure is his blessing. I know that no cure is instant and lessons have taught me all things take time. I’ve waited so long and wish for horizons embrace and his healing touch.
Until then I fumble as fool upon darkened path in desperate attempt to gain solid footing. Look for the moon to light darkened path and rising sun to part darkness and reveal horizon sought. It shall return to night sky where once it stood guardian and beacon to those who stumble in darkness as they travel to horizon themselves. In all trials of darkness some light, some hope remains even when our eyes do not see it. My challenge is to find it this day else wait in darkness for the moons return.
Until the moon or sun lights path I fumble in the dark. I’ve grown to not fear darkness for it’s not the absence of light which troubles mind but the absence of absence. In the vacant space within nothing just dark until light parts the blanket of darkness and clears mind toward higher purpose. I stand day three still fumbling to regain proper footing and awaiting the moment that darkness parts.
I await returned vision and end to current struggle. With eyes to new horizon once more the journey leads from darkness to light and unexpected turns cause journey to become more arduous than first planned. I can only hope the path I travel is the one I should be on, with faith and hope I press for dawn light and new horizon. The dawning of new day a blessing upon darkened mind and though it remains darkened the path and footing made clear.
If my path is true and steady then new and better horizon lay just ahead. As yet out of reach though it stands just before me and beckons me to lay troubles of yesterday aside. Forward to new horizon, hope, healing and a new day. In it may I find blessings of the present and the ability to live today, this moment as a gift. I extend this same wish for you.
May you find hope and healing on this day blessed by the present and facing a new and better horizon as the gift it’s meant to be.
~Michelle Styles – November 7, 2013