One day at a time! This has been my mantra, weakened, scared and often the feelings swell and yet one day at a time. Each battle, each day I stand upon new ground. Ten weeks now as victor and yet the pull remains. Ever so it stands to remind me my desire and yet with it I stand victor still.
Upon a day my footing may falter but not this day, this day I stand.
Against wave after wave crashing upon mind to batter and wear it down; I stand.
Against the howls within, the demons and the dark, I stand. For now resolve unbroken and my best efforts yet; I stand.
Calling me from my core; the pull is inhuman. Why does it ask this of me? To find itself expelled, yet only to reclaim that which expelled it. Visions coated red as desire draws to near, yet this night, this day I find my will to stand. Memories of past hauntings as they are yet shall not sway me this night.
Memories once more to face and see them made to flesh. Memories once more to face; perhaps my final test. Upon the crest I stand and call. My oblivion awaits. Soon they will know the wolf has cut its teeth and jaws snap shut upon their time as memories lay bare.
Small string of victorys and still it haunts me so. Perhaps the cost of war laid bare upon a shattered soul.
Memory a price its own from which I wish would fade.
It seems like yesterday these memories were laid.
As brick and mortar fixed the wall it can not hold the tide.
Pressing memory far to often; washing hope aside.
Wave upon wave come crashing to my shore.
Memories of demons past haunt me please no more.
They will not go, they can not stay.
Memories don’t fade with time, not even on a day.
Today these memories haunt me, like visions obscured from sight. Yet never far they dance upon the edges of my mind. They call and invite me to join them and partake. On memories of visions past and time not forgotten.
Shattered soul remains its pieces strewn about.
Demons scream and demons howl begging to get out.
Dancing, singing and calling me to rest.
Its fire warm and inviting, its song familiar so.
Its voice, its song I’ve heard before, its memories I know.
Knowing if it stands so long of me it will best.
It calls me to dance and sing by the fire.
For now I sit outside while it builds the fire higher.
Putting me on notice and putting up the test.
Tonight a night spent looking in. Examining the life I have and at times I find it wanting. Shadows move to cloud my mind, and for now skies are darkened. They will not remain as such forever and that is blessing upon itself. For if I stand strong and proud this to it shall pass.
Today I stand.
One more day of victory each day we struggle so.
A victory of demons past and pain buried deep inside.
Demons of my past should be long forgotten.
I can not feel or move past things once a crime within.
I tell the demons everyday my pain you shall not know.
I will fight them now on every front the pain it will subside.
They hold some power over me my wound not still rotten.
I know in time that this crime is not my original sin.
I shall not falter from my path, my lessons in a row.
They ask more lessons for this i know, I shall not abide.
Pain and lessons learned so well, memories begotten.
Memories of things gone past once alike but not akin.
Today another win.
~Michelle Styles, November 7, 2013