Who am I?
Inside I struggle but which me is me? Are the voices within representation of the whole or fragments of same? Questions for which I’ve no answer; nor clear vision on subject. Perhaps the voices inside, those pieces are a means to cope with troubling issues for which logic can’t be applied. When terrible things happen to good people the mind moves to protect. Does it splinter to throw out the inexplicable as a means to defend itself from same?
Am I the demons of darkness and the light or are both manifestations to aid the spirit when the world has no answer for why? Perhaps the mind moves to protect itself and what remains of sanity. In the creation of darkness to explain internally what defies explanation. That may explain the darkness but what of light. Could it be a manifestation as well or is it always within. I may never know these answers nor the answer to when they leave.
Is the struggle light and dark a method to understand and heal? Perhaps, though I don’t know. I know they exist within, the duality of me. In my mind I see them, my heart I feel them and they weigh upon me. They struggle to control my mind and vision obscured by the moment of control. A vision tainted by which me stands victor within.
The question remains. Who am I? Am I darkness, light, both or more? Are each merely a piece of shattered spirit? A spirit shattered to protect what remains. These have been my questions for a time. If they are pieces of the whole splintered to protect me how do I reunite them and reforge what once was? Can one truly exist without the other? Light and Dark dancing within and without an eternal struggle both dependent upon the other to complete them.
Is light an absence of darkness or darkness to a degree an absence of light? Does either exist if the other did not? Such is the duality of creation and the duality within. The war rages within light and dark neither relenting and either with a turn at the helm. It is my belief the duality has always been and are emboldened by events which lend power to cause. We are after all the panicle of creation itself. The very best and yet have the ability to be the very worst. Freedom to choose our path fosters the duality of life.
My one question yet remains, are we but pieces inside a duality of our own? The duality which mimics nature from without and fosters our spirit within. Or is the duality within a product of a shattered spirit. Is it a means of protecting the pure part of us from darkness and evil. Perhaps it’s a means by which the mind can compartmentalize and wage war within while the attempt is made to hold on to sanity.
Am I alone in this war or is it fought by every human to one extent or another. Do they struggle daily? When darkness rules the day as victor do they tremble within? When the light stand triumphant do they celebrate the moment? Answers I may never have and questions I may always ask.
Perhaps in the asking we find that which we seek. It’s my hope in the question the answers can be found for now I wrestle with the questions that weigh upon me. In time I hope to find answers to aid in tipping balance to more desired captain at the helm. This day is darkened though neither claims victory yet.
My question remains which me is me and in the end who am I?
I am the face in the mirror, the one loved and unloved.
I am the breath in your lungs, the full and the empty.
I am the heart inside your chest, the beating and the silent.
I am the voices in your head, the good and the bad.
I am the blood in your veins, the hot and the cold.
I am the one you speak to, when no one else listens.
I am the one you seek, yet the same that eludes you.
I am the spirit, weather broken or free.
I am the vision of all, seen and not seen.
I am the best friend and worst enemy, you never knew you had.
I am the beast of whom you fear, and the friend you hold dear.
I am the sun upon your face, and the moon that glistens.
I am many things and yet only one. I am who I am.
~Michelle Styles October 30, 2013