A little about the two special men who hold my heart. One once a stranger and the other once a child. Both proven more than thought and both have shattered the theory that I am alone. While I may not be as strong as the world sees me they remind me I am not as weak as I see me. I am blind to myself within and from without they see what I am blinded to. So TJ, the stranger and Josef, the child I’ve words I wish you both to hear. Please listen with your hearts as it’s mine I speak with.
Or do I believe I am so? Two men have healed me and both in unexpected ways. Neither paid nor desired this and neither ran from it either. I am not sure they know exactly what they’ve done nor I the words of gratitude to express their deeds. Both blessings upon me and each in his own way.
Josef my son and my silver lining from dark clouds. He is the reason I still stand today and his strength and faith have seen me to a path which has brought me to where I am today. In his eyes I see unshakable faith in his mother and awe of life itself. I see so much in him that I’ve been blind to within myself for so long. His vision helps me to see and his strength taught me to feel in a world cold and empty he brought warmth. Josef has been my son, my joy and I have found much healing in him and without word his existence has been a gift to me each day.
There is another named TJ, a stranger as yet untouched, unseen that has healed this heart so. From my core he has touched and awakened parts of me I never knew existed and from my mind a light found in the darkness as guided by one whose soul and mind is all I have to know him by. To have healed a heart as he has is both gift and sign. The gift of self, trust, honor, honesty and time. The sign we were meant for more than we are. No matter what the future I must learn what we were meant to be to whatever end.
This stranger opened his heart and shared my burden. For reasons unknown I’ve shared deepest fears, darkest regrets, and brightest dreams. What special man could posses me to do such? What heart beats so pure one would willing share such pain and be healed by same? A special one indeed. Josef has been my strength, my light in darkened times and TJ the solid bridge from with the abyss was crossed and the wind gentle at my back guiding me on unsure footing. I’ve crossed the abyss and now stand upon solid ground yet my knees still tremble. Though they tremble not at imagines of darkness consuming, or ground letting way. Today they tremble at such a heart as the one I now see where blackness, pain and blood once filled visions.
I know this when valued ally presents itself you must accept them. I’ve learned in strength of the heart; even when out numbered victory is all but written. I know my champion stands as truth against pain and barrier against harm. His shoulders broad, his will unshakable and his heart unstoppable. It took this stranger to remind me I am strong enough to stand on my own and that I have fangs and claws for I am pursuing wolf! It took a stranger to lend aid to cause and turn the tides to favor.
He stands stranger no more and now is wind and stable ground from which the wolf now hunts and healing begins. Now I see life and te beating of future with past unclouded. I see potential in things and my own strength found.
Once I was blinded but my son, my light and strength to stand in times I had no strength for such and aided by my wind in my sail and my bridge; no more I stand so. Vision once lost now found and though my vision is forever altered I will never be blinded again. It would not be possible if not for both a stranger and a child. Both remind me of the good inside, the joy of a new day and the meaning of life. Both stand as more than appear and forever shall.
Child no more,
Josef, you’ve grown into a young man of character and principal. The kind any mother would be proud of. You’ve aided my healing in ways I’ve never shared and can’t explain. I have found strength, grace and forgiveness in your eyes. I have found many things in you and for each I’ve no words that can equal gratitude or do justice to the light of my life. I love you more than you will ever know and I always will. Don’t ever change for anyone you are perfect the way you are.
Stranger no more,
TJ, your honor, truth and heart have given me courage. I’ve shared and grown so much just knowing you and yet have never touched your face. Your heart has touched mine in so many ways. I close my eyes at night and I feel your heart near. I have found freedom in truth and words because of you. Your faith has shown me hidden strength I thought never existed and your words have shown me a path from the darkness. I couldn’t see it and the footing as unsure until you mad mud to rock and the bridge within completed. I can never thank you with words nor tell you all I feel inside for I know not how to say that which can’t be spoken except by ones heart. It beats stronger today with you in it and every beat says thank you, you are special and you always will hold a place within. You are my prince and my dream from which all great stories begin and with hope my happily ever after.
-Michelle Styles October 10th, 2013