I can’t feel the fire until I light the match. Dancing within its flames yet to be consumed I exile pain to the farthest corners of the mind. Through pains exile blood allowed to flow and demons silenced in the mid-nights chill. Freedom can be sought a while. I am weak this night and demons call my name. From within their voices echo and their cries resonate to my core. I am drawn to obey their will.
Exiles yet never far it lurks near; always ready to remind me of the pain. Inside the flame pain controlled through extremes I bury myself and in exile I dance inside the flames. In exile I’m free and for a time at peace. Disapproving sneers will follow morning light but freedom sought and earned this darkened night. Perhaps with silence the deed concealed.
It seems we need each other to remember why we exist. Strange though it seems my champion is pain and it has seen me through the worst its only price is remembrance. Remembrance of days long past and darkness is what it savors, nay demand of me. Its price is memory of which it brought me through. In still night dancing it beckons to fire; it beckons to pain. Within the fire it wants blood and promises me life. To feel once more is all I crave and disappointment around I fear. What balance and check shall guide me now when sleep as torturous as none.
Faces in the mirror scared by lines of tears. Invisible to those seeking proof but visible in my minds’ eye. Suffering inside the emptiness; within the windows of the soul. Tiny rapture within the mind filled by sorrow only pain for pleasure. Interwoven and confined within me searching for a door from which escape lay exposed only barred from within by benevolent force. Endless seems the torment buried beneath the flesh, ecstasy it’s escape.
Within tears form new scars and opening the old in silence they suffer the past. Insufferable time is told to heal even the heart but the mind seems never healed. Opening new wounds in memory of the past; holes which eternally decay. The stench of failure ripe embracing the senses. In desperate plea an silent scream yearning to get out. Temptation overwhelming and drawn to desire of decedent pleasures and promise of release.
Intoxication between blurred vision of pleasure and pain. The lines blurred right to truths since hidden under centuries of dust within the coffin of the mind. Buried to long since to be forgotten but never far enough to conceal their evil intention and leaking suffering into day and night. Confusion an ally used to secure the presence of the present though leaving future clouded without care, concern or conscience. I’ve traced it’s desired mark and in blood the pain released and for the moment pleasures within. Ecstasy released and orgasm of the mind and body all that matters in the moment. Red, a beautiful color and in a moment a reminder of success and failure.
I can’t sleep and don’t dare dream but it has made me strong in times I’ve needed it. Now it makes me numb in times I don’t need. Alone within it lurks and when fire not present does it flee or does it light fires new?
For now confusion shall rule until a new ally presents itself to bold facing future concealing past and burying the forgotten until truly it lay exposed within the concealing truth. Once forgotten never out of mind it can be slain forever and truly a coffin its final rest. My final rest, a time without the haunting within. A time without the fire and pain. A time for mind and motion at rest within and body without. My final peace and my end to torment.
Today another sin and a lesson new upon my flesh. I am weak inside myself.