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Are we ever truly alone? I’ve discovered we must face ourselves alone buried inside ourselves we struggle. We struggle to understand who we are, how we got here and why we continue to struggle. I’ve seen darkness in my life and it filters my vision daily.

From time to time light baths my face and life seems far removed my trials. Even then the trials remain obscured from view for the moment. They are ever there and serve reminder of the coming moment where once more I shall be alone inside my head.

Each day a new challenge awaits, the same problems found in new faces. Desperation in silent foot fall tracked upon heel of thought. Yet always within and seen at times without. Cracks in the facade we claim our reality as presented in practiced demeanor. The outward face remains stone while inward imbalance and strife known only to yourself.

For each the battles differ and yet the solution present remains the same. Through sharing burdens the heart may be lifted and wages of war become far removed.

Alone inside my head, hello can you hear me?
Are we alone yet in silence we do not see?
Feelings we all share in silence and alone.

Me inside my head and you inside yours.

Alone it’s dark inside my head, can you see me?
Silence unbroken by the forest and the tree.
Feelings we share alone cut deepest to the bone.

Me inside my head i will not let you in.

Alone in the darkness i suffer not for thee.
Still air, cold breath and nothing more i see.
Feelings we discover when in darkness can not hide.

Me inside my head and you frozen in yours.

Alone in the cold, my mind upon it’s knee.
Fear is the darkness, silence what you see.
Feelings we face alone, darkness it has lied.

me inside my head and you inside yours.

I have discovered somethings we face alone no matter who loves us, no matter how many cheer for us, no matter what support we have. We still must face ourselves alone and that is our biggest fear and biggest challenge once realized.

I struggle with a dark past and a shameful attempt to end the suffering inflicted upon me. I’ve learned some from the battles within myself. I’ve won some and I’ve lost some of the battles that rage. Though never again shall I make such folly attempt as it may bring more suffering in the end. My attempt at control cost me 9 months unable to walk, many broken bones and painful surgeries but this is a story for another time. A time when I am strong enough to share fully and accept support. Until that day I must struggle alone inside my head with the pain, the darkness and myself.

-Michelle Styles